The Perfect Bag

The perfect bag is just the right size
For the things you need
Should the need arise.
Not too big or not too small
And whole lot lighter than a cannonball.

I always start out with things deemed essential
But I quickly digress to the random tangential:
Lipstick, hairbrush, keys and glasses
I.D., checkbook, old boarding passes,
Cell phone and charger and candy molasses.
And one more morass would make two morasses!

I should stop there, but just to be fair
I’d rather be safe than sorry.
On the side of caution I try to err.
Just in case of a sudden safari.

Now please don’t think that I’m slightly dotty
But I could get beamed up by way of Scotty
And wind up on some weird planet,
Doing battle with an evil pomegranate.
Entangled in vines, I’ll fight for my life
And I’ll cut myself free with my plastic knife
That I didn’t throw away but stowed in my purse.
I’ll be glad that I cleverly prepared for the worst.

Because getting wet can be a pain,
I have a mini poncho for the rain,
A tiny mirror and small pair of scissors
Just in case I’ve got to cut my hair
In the middle of a couple of blizzards.

And just remember,
You never know,
You could get stuck in traffic.
That’s not too bad,
but you could get sad
If you don’t have a
National Geographic.

And that’s why I don’t go anywhere
Without my Jews harp and harmonica.
When faced with something dismaying
I breathe deeply and just practice playing
Songs from Weird Al, Christmas and Hanukkah.

Little packets of salt and pepper
Make random snacks taste better.
Sometimes there’s Mustard and Texas Pete
And duck sauce and sugar for something sweet.

Ketchup and soy sauce
Band Aids and dental floss
Rubber bands and paper clips
A notebook and a sewing kit.

Pens without caps
For my writing pleasure
Outdated coupons
And a tiny tape measure
And wads of tissues
In case I’ve got “issues.”

Plastic bags for picking up trash
And a few dollar bills to share
And loose expired aspirins
Sporting sandy fuzz and hair.

For civilized dining on the run
I have nice plastic cutlery.
It sure beats eating things with your hands
That are slippery, wet and rubbery.

I confess that my bag is a random mess
But it’s also a grab bag of happiness.
A trashy treasure trove to be mined
I’m always surprised at the stuff that I find.

After all is said and done
I think it’s fair to say
It’s almost always the little things
That quite surprisingly save the day.

Photo Credit: http://www.funnyandhappy.com