The world, as we know, is fraught with peril
(Without it, life would be boring and sterile);
So now kids have smartphones with unlimited texting
To check in with their parents who don’t know they’re sexting.
The teachers keep teaching but the kids stopped learning
Because their vibrating phones in their pants are burning.
They sneak it out of their pockets and onto their lap
Text under the desk with free wi-fi on tap.
The preachers keep preaching but fewer souls count as keepers–
The only souls not texting are the more reverent sleepers.
Our religious leaders now text straight from the podium
So the behavior now merits not a shred of opprobrium!
Did you ever have dinner and converse with a guest
Not knowing he hasn’t put his cellphone to rest?
You keep talking ’til you notice, for whatever it’s worth,
That he’s staring at his crotch with considerable mirth!
Distracted driving is the new safety curse–
Compared with drunk driving, it’s actually worse!
Drunk driving, at least, incurs a harsh legal fight
But texting is moral—it’s our God-given right!
Where one used to be safe, now hazards abound
Seems you’re taking a risk just walking around.
In the past, you’d go skiing to break a bone
Now you dodge texters while walking on home.
So the other day while I was passing the church
What I saw in the churchyard, made me lurch!
A statue of St. Francis stood as still as a stone
Staring hard at his hand which was grappling a phone.
So I waded through brambles to sneak a peek at his screen:
“Don’t make me come down there or I’ll make one hell of a scene!”
I looked up at the sky as a thunderbolt cracked–
St. Francis’s face with obvious guilt was wracked.
I tore myself from the brambles and ran down the street
Checked my Twitter account and sent God this tweet:
With all this texting going on, it’s miraculous that most people are thriving,
I pray that texters stay out of the car and that St. Francis never starts driving.