To you I wish a happy graduation
Which is a certifiable indication
That you have paid enough tuition
For your dreams to come to complete fruition.
Your diploma represents the successful culmination
Of countless years of sleepless determination
Punctuated by ennui, fatigue, and exasperation
Fueled by the promise of delayed compensation.
Your diploma attests to the official veracity
Of your heretofore unrewarded perspicacity.
A graduate degree is the necessary apparatus
To jack up the pay scale, thus improving your status.
Your boss now upon you will have to heap praise–
Just be sure to remind her to remember that raise!
Now they’ll have to pay you so much more
For the same old stuff you did before.
Like an expendable commodity you should no longer be treated
Your wise advice now must be deferentially heeded.
Now a Saturday morning will blissfully mean
That from a book no knowledge will you have to glean.
Now you’ll have time to make it up to your spouse
For the years s/he didn’t call you a chore-shirking louse.
Just think of the potential opportunity this poses–
Time to smell all the previously-unsmelled roses.
You can go to the beach, to the mountains, or a random movie,
And break the habit of eschewing all distractions deemed groovy.
So remember this day and enjoy the absence of strife–
Don’t forget to savor the flavor of your excellent life.
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