If you get
The urge to merge,
We will conduct a thorough inquisition,
To securitize your position,
To monetize your requisition,
And facilitate your acquisition.
Should you be the victim
Of a hostile takeover,
We’ll make you feel
Like an important stakeholder.
Hostile is as hostile does,
If things get hairy, we’ll clip the fuzz.
We’ll improve the terms and the cordiality
By breaking the bubble of confidentiality.
None of the blame
Will you have to shoulder
If your counterpart’s ardor
Goes from flaming to smolder.
A pain in your assets
This does not have to be
Because our management teams
A significantly positive but abnormal return
Is what you might expect;
But for a higher fee you can avoid the burn
Of a Negative Wealth Effect.
If none of the above to you appeals,
We can offer consolidation or a few other deals.
We can liquidate your target into a shell,
While you cherry pick your assets—we’ll never tell!
We can spin off, spin out and even demerge,
Call us today—for a win-win splurge!